Baby, I'm A Disciple!
by rlylaughable
Summary: JudasxAnnas. I am sooo going to hell for this. SLASH. DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ. Can't say I didn't warn you.
1. Chapter 1

"I have an idea." Annas said, rolling over to face Judas.

"Get a whip and see what happens?"

"No, sadly,"

"Anything to do with Jesus?"

"Yeah!"

"No,"

"Oh, come on. You'll be cool if you tell me where he is."

"If I'm not cool, what are you doing here?"

"You're not cool! You're hot."

"I do my best."

"Me too," Annas said as he leaned in for a kiss, which Judas happily returned.

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"Where the fuck have you been?" Peter demanded.

"Nowhere,"

"What were you doing?"

"No one, I mean, nothing."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"How much do I have to deny for you to be happy?"

"Don't deny! I never deny. I always tell the truth. Just like Jesus tells us to."

"Right,"

Judas walked away before Peter had the chance to respond. These Jesus people never knew when to stop talking.

As usual, Jesus was surrounding by his adoring fans. Judas rarely talked to him alone anymore. How could he, when Jesus was never alone, except when he was being a complete drama queen as everyone else slept. Judas rolled his eyes just thinking about it. Jesus used to actually be quite tolerable, around two years ago. One might even say the two of them were friends.

Alas, things change. Judas knew this, knew this very well. Every day he was more tempted to just tell Annas and end this whole sordid thing. But then his usefulness would wear out, and he was beginning to like Annas. A lot. They used to just be fuckbuddies, but their relationship, or whatever you want to call it, was developing.

Judas almost wished one of those inane disciples would come talk to him about something petty and unimportant, just so he wouldn't have to think about this. None of them did anymore, though. Judas's rationality was a real downer to them. Such is the price of actually thinking about shit.

Judas sat in the encampment or whatever for a while longer before deciding to go find Annas again. He resolved to not to brood any longer over how incredibly fucked up this whole situation was.

Besides, at least Annas knew how to kiss properly, unlike any of the disciples. Judas knew this from experience. Jesus was really into orgies. Whatever.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you, everyone, for the "OMG U PHAIL!!1!1!!!" reviews. They were hilarious, and it's __just for you__ that I wrote this smut. Enjoy._

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"Annas?" Judas quietly said. Annas whipped around, and, upon fully comprehending the situation, grabbed Judas and dragged him into an empty hallway.

"What the fuck are you doing? There are people here!" he whispered.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't stand to be around the disciples."

"That's great, but you can't be here, either!"

"Why not?"

"You just can't!"

"You know you want me here." Judas said, starting to kiss Annas, who resisted, but only kinda.

"No, you have to go."

"Come on." Judas slipped to the neck.

"No, no – oh, to hell with it." Annas grabbed a fist of Judas's shirt and pulled him into his mouth.

"I knew you'd come around. Literally!" Judas mumbled between kisses.

"Shut up."

"Okay."

Annas ripped off Judas's shirt.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Judas asked.

"If we're going to do this, we're doing it all the way."

"Fine by me!" Judas said as he began to take off Annas's shirt.

Annas was obviously trying to hurry as he ripped off Judas's pants, following his own. Judas wasn't, but then, he had nothing to lose by being caught having sex in a temple.

Annas threw Judas against the wall and shoved into him.

"Hey, that hurt!"

"I don't give a fuck."

"This situation says otherwise."

Annas laughed and started kissing Judas. Hard. Judas kissed back. Hard. There were a lot of hard things happening right now.

After a few minutes, Judas came all over Annas, Annas following shortly after. They both fell to the ground, breathing heavily.

"Man, we're going to hell." Judas gasped.

"No shit." Annas grinned.

They laughed between pants. Annas slowly began to get up.

"I'd better get back to judging people for no particular reason," He said as he put on his clothes, "You need to go somewhere else. Anywhere else. And clean the wall up."

"We can always say one of us sneezed."

"Yeah, because you sneeze white,"

"I bet it's happened before!"

"Whatever. Clean it."

"Yes sir."

Annas, now being fully dressed, kissed Judas and walked away. Judas sighed. He didn't really come here to fuck, and now he had to leave.

Judas slowly hopped to his feet, and started pulling on clothes. He didn't have anything to clean the come with, so he just used his shirt. No one would notice. No one ever noticed.

He snuck out the temple, and started walking down the dusty road, back to the Jesus encampment. Maybe, if he was lucky, they'd have moved on, and he wouldn't have to deal with any of it ever again, and he could just live with Annas, and everything would be fine.

Alas, they were still there. Things were exactly the same.

"Come on, Judas!" Simon chirped, waving.

"Already did, thanks."

"What?"

"Nothing,"


End file.
